how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you bring me the toilet please
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
