my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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