Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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