he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
