some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
