She is in my trunk
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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