I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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