I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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