haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
