Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
