Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
