How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
