Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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