I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
