it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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