I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
