chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
