i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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