i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
