it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
