Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
