Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
