Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
