i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
