I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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