I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He did a backflip because drugs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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