Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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