I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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