The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
