So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
