yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
