if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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