don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
