WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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