Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
stop calling my apartment porn island.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
