Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
