Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
