After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
