I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
