I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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