Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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