been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
