i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
