Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
