"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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