he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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