Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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