I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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