i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
