Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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