Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
